Why can’t I find the off switch for my mind? I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and my mind was off and running. I can’t get to sleep (it normally takes me at least 2 hrs to fall asleep anyways) I keep having negative thoughts … I can’t make them go away. I keep feeling like I’m a failure and that I’m gonna mess up this job and end up on my ass again. I don’t know where these thoughts coming from. I just wish I could find that damn off switch so I could fall asleep.

Mood: frustrated

I made it thru my first day of work. The morning was more dicey than the afternoon. But that’s to be expected. First day … trying to figure out where stuff is and how everything works. Some things still confuse me. And I’m still not sure who everyone is.

I had several smaller projects to get my feet wet. I think that’s why the morning was more anxious. Most were simple things. I asked lots of questions. Hopefully that didn’t bother anyone. But how am I supposed to learn if I don’t ask questions? There was one project sent to me that I was eventually told to wait ’til at least next week on. It’s a more involved project and works with MS SQL. I’ve only worked with MySQL. Not sure what the difference is. I did get one project that lasted most of the day. That was nice. I did end up finishing it right at 5pm. Hopefully I did everything okay. I’m so nervous that I’m going to seriously screw things up.

They took me out to lunch today … I guess they do that with new people. That was nice. And I really needed that lunch break. I was so feeling like I was in over my head. But I felt better during the afternoon.

The drive home was a bitch tho. I really hate 13th Ave. But I don’t know of any other way to get home. And I had to go back after I had left. Thank goodness I was only at Main. I had forgotten my purse … Kinda need that … driver’s license, money, CELL PHONE.

But I’m home now. Turned on the AC as soon as I got home ‘cuz it was a bit warm in here (it’s 85°F out as of 5pm … my wx thing only updates on the hour). I might turn it off in a bit and bring out the fan from my bedroom. It stayed pretty nice in here yesterday with 2 fans on. I’m gonna relax tonite and try not to stress out again tomorrow. Like I said earlier, I’m still afraid that I might be in over my head. I just guess it depends on what kinds of projects they give me and how long it takes me to figure out their system. I wanna show them that I DO know what I’m doing and that they didn’t make a mistake hiring me. But you know, there’s that part of me that’s always trying to pull me down. If I can make it thru the end of the week, I think I’ll be fine.

Mood: tired

I’ve just had this funky feeling ever since yesterday evening. I’m not sure how to describe it. And I’m not sure what brought it on. I don’t know if it’s just nerves about starting a new job and not knowing what to expect and worrying that I’m not gonna cut it. Or maybe it’s something else completely. I have no idea. All I know is that I wish this feeling would go away.

I get this feeling from time to time. I never know what brings it on. Maybe it’s just ‘cuz I’m lonely or that I just need to get out of my apartment or it’s something else completely. I really have no idea.

Mood: indescribable

Looks like my first full day of work is going to be tomorrow. I got a call about 1pm from Sara (the receptionist/office admin) telling me that Kelly wants me to come in tomorrow morning at the normal time. I guess the computer I’ll be working on got there and is all set up. I hope all goes well.

Mood: happy

I was only at work an hour today. I guess the computer they ordered for me isn’t here yet. Kinda hard to work without a computer. So, I filled out paperwork … Kelly gave me a brief tour and introduced me to everyone (I already forgot most of their names … I shoulda written ‘em down). Then I came home. She said she thinks I won’t start ’til Wednesday … depends on the computer situation. She said she’d call me tonite and update me.

It’s a small office. I’m the only female programmer. There are 3 other females there … Kelly, Laura, and Sara … but that’s it for the number of women. There were about 9 or 10 males (can’t remember exact count now). The women are definitely out numbered. But Kelly said that for the first few years, she was the only female there.

The dress is casual. I can wear jeans, or shorts, and t-shirts … as long as they’re not ragged and dirty. That will be nice. I’ll at least be comfortable in my clothes. And I could even roam around the office with my shoes off if I wanted too … as long as I wore socks. Now THAT’S casual … LOL.

And I don’t have to worry about parking … that’s paid by the company. Woohoo. I was worried about that. The company only pays for half of the health insurance (it kicks in after 3 months), but that’s okay. It’s better than having no insurance. And they cover all of dental. I might even be able to get some training paid for by the company.

I don’t think I’ll be able to enroll in classes for this fall … not sure if it’s too late or not, but I don’t have the finances right now to do it (even with financial aid, there would still be other expenses … not sure if financial aid would cover a computer upgrade … I’d need Windows XP Pro and I only have the Home edition). But there are classes at the Skills and Tech center in town that I’ve been looking into (I’ve been looking into them for quite a while now … haven’t had the money to take them in the past).

Mood: okay

Tomorrow I start down my new path in life. I start my new job in my new career (from meteorology to web design). The later it gets in the day today, the more nervous I get. Maybe anxious is the correct word. I’m not sure what to expect. I’m anxious about finding a place to park … I’m anxious that I won’t get there on time … I’m anxious that I won’t fit in … I’m anxious that I’m getting myself in over my head. I’m sure everything is gonna be okay, but I’m still anxious. If I didn’t have something to worry about, what would I do with myself? LOL I wish I could just turn my mind off so I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe I should go to bed now. But then I’d lay there for hours worrying myself into a tizzy when there’s no need to. I just need to relax, breathe, and believe in myself. Everything is gonna be okay.

Mood: nervous

I tried to do my laundry today to get it out of the way. Simple task, right? WRONG!!! I’ve just spent the last 45 minutes or so dealing with the aftermath of a piece of shit washing machine in my piece of shit apartment building. The damn thing decided to overflow. So … my laundry in that machine (shirts and undies) were soaked. And the laundry room had at least an inch of water in it. It decided to spill out into the hallway and into the closet in my apartment. Thank good it’s just the jacket closet and isn’t carpeted. I’ve got a towel in there soaking it up.

I went up to my resident manager’s apartment, but no one was home. I called the apartment management, but got a recording. There was a number for emergency service calls, so I called it. He had already been called. Sounded like he was taking his sweet time getting here. I told him in was seeping into my apartment and into the hallway. Didn’t sound like he was speeding up any. I said that I had been using it and he says “Oh … so you’re the one who broke it”. Kiss my ass you fucker. If this building actually had decent machines this wouldn’t happen. I had 7 tshirts and 5 pair of undies in there … I’ve had it more full than that before with NO PROBLEMS!!! Don’t you dare pin this on me. Buy some new fucking machines.

This happened once before … can’t remember exactly when it was. One of the machines up on 3rd floor broke and flooded ground floor … the floor I’m on. And since my apt is right next door to the laundry room, my apt flooded. There was more water then. Maybe I just caught it sooner this time.

And do you know why it flooded? Because they plugged the drain so that when there are heavy rains, it doesn’t seep into the building.

I think I’m gonna get out of here and go to Walmart. I’d rather deal with idiots there than this mess right now.

Mood: pissedoff

Okay … I don’t really hate shopping. But I do hate the following:

1. Not being able to find clothes that I like and would actually wear.
2. Once I find something I like, discovering the only colors are white, beige, and pastel colors (like pink, yellow, etc).
3. Finding something I like in a color I like and then seeing that the price is too high.
4. Dealing with people in the mall on the weekends.

I went to the mall today … specifically to go to JC Penny’s because of the sale they were having today. I wanted to look for some nice shirts to wear to work since all I have are t-shirts (with Dale Jr on ‘em or OCC or Avalanche or something else). I found a really cute v-neck, short sleeved, henley-type shirt. And it was 50% off (so it was only $7.99). I liked how it fit, so I decided I’d get a couple. I had tried on a white one, so I got that one. But the other colors were pastel blue and beige and this funky salmon and white striped one. Needless to say, I only got the white one. I did try on a polo, but the sleeves were tight around my arm, so I put it back. Everything in the store damn near was pastel colors. Is that what’s in now? I hate pastel colors. I do like blues and oranges and greens and reds but not the pastel shades of them.

I even ventured into Sears and Herberger’s to look for shirts. Nothing there either. Damn it. How am I supposed to dress nice if I can’t find anything I like??? Maybe I’m just too damn picky … I don’t know. But I’m not gonna wear something just ‘cuz it’s “in fashion”. I couldn’t care less about “fashion”. I wear what I like and what I feel comfortable in. But I can’t wear the t-shirts I have to work. It did look like a casual place (I mean, the lead programmer wore jeans, a t-shirt and baseball hat to my second interview … everyone else in there looked to be wearing jeans too). But the t-shirts I have aren’t appropriate. I did wear them to my last job … but I never saw anyone there … I hardly ever even saw my co-workers. So it didn’t really matter there.

I went over to Gordman’s after I left the mall hoping I could find something there. Nope. Wasted trip. I thought about going to Walmart and Target, but didn’t feel like dealing with all the people on a weekend. I was just at Walmart yesterday. I wish I had looked at jeans then. Oh well.

And of course, while I was in the mall, I just HAD to go into ProMotorsports (racing diecast and stuff store). That damn store calls out my name every time I’m in the mall. I ended up getting the KFC car that Dale Jr is gonna run in an upcoming Busch race … not sure if it’s Daytona or ‘Dega. I really need to stay out of that store.

Mood: annoyed

What to do … what to do … what to do. I’m sitting here debating if I wanna get that camera or not. They’ve got it at Walmart for $237. It’s about $245 or so at Best Buy. I can get it online for $208 (plus $14.95 shipping). I want that camera SOOOOOO bad. Since I don’t know yet when I’ll get my first paycheck, I can’t afford to use money from my savings (I need that for July rent). I could put it on my credit card and then pay it off once I get paid. But I really don’t wanna do that. It’s obviously cheaper online, but then I’d have to wait ’til it was shipped to me. And who knows when they’d be by to deliver it … problably while I was at work. I’d love to go into a store and walk out with the camera.

I DO need to replace my camera. I’m not sure how much longer it’ll hold out. Avalanche will be back at Pete’s the weekend of 08 July. I need something reliable to take pics with for the website. And if I get the camera now, I’ll have time to figure out how to use it by then … LOL.

I just don’t know what to do …

Mood: empty

When I used Movable Type for my blog, I had made a template that just included information from my most recent post. I then included the resulting static page on the front page of my main website.

I was updating that site today … I replaced the Guestbook I had there with the ShoutOut script that I wrote. I realized that I still had the exerpt from my MT blog on my main page. I wanted to replace this with the most recent post from this blog (since I’m no longer updating the other one). A plugin wouldn’t work … I’m not putting this on a page inside of my WP install. So … I wrote a script that I put in the root directory of my WP install. I then called that from my front page, and wallah … there it was. It was easy to do, but took a bit of tweaking to get the number of comments to show up correctly. You can see how it looks here.

Anyways, I thought I would put the code here in case anyone else wanted to do the same thing. I’m not sure if they do. Or if there’s something already written for WP that does this (I didn’t search for it ‘cuz I wanted to write it myself ‘cuz I knew I could … ).

If you would like this code, you can get it here (upload it to your main WP install directory). You’ll need to fill in a couple of variables (the URL to your WP install, the server path to your WP install, and the number of characters from the post that you want to display). They’re at the top of the script and are commented with instructions. To use the script on your outside website, use a simple include …

<?php include '/path/to/wp/install/wp-exerpt.php'; ?>

Simple as that. If you end up using this, let me know. Once again, I’m curious to see if anyone wants this functionality other than me. Maybe it’s just ‘cuz I’ve got so many subdomains (I believe I’ve got 8 subdomains in addition to my main domain). And as I’ve said with my plugins … if you do use this and run into any problems, please let me know so I can troubleshoot.

Mood: lonely