Why can’t I find the off switch for my mind? I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and my mind was off and running. I can’t get to sleep (it normally takes me at least 2 hrs to fall asleep anyways) I keep having negative thoughts … I can’t make them go away. I keep feeling like I’m a failure and that I’m gonna mess up this job and end up on my ass again. I don’t know where these thoughts coming from. I just wish I could find that damn off switch so I could fall asleep.

Mood: frustrated

I made it thru my first day of work. The morning was more dicey than the afternoon. But that’s to be expected. First day … trying to figure out where stuff is and how everything works. Some things still confuse me. And I’m still not sure who everyone is.

I had several smaller projects to get my feet wet. I think that’s why the morning was more anxious. Most were simple things. I asked lots of questions. Hopefully that didn’t bother anyone. But how am I supposed to learn if I don’t ask questions? There was one project sent to me that I was eventually told to wait ’til at least next week on. It’s a more involved project and works with MS SQL. I’ve only worked with MySQL. Not sure what the difference is. I did get one project that lasted most of the day. That was nice. I did end up finishing it right at 5pm. Hopefully I did everything okay. I’m so nervous that I’m going to seriously screw things up.

They took me out to lunch today … I guess they do that with new people. That was nice. And I really needed that lunch break. I was so feeling like I was in over my head. But I felt better during the afternoon.

The drive home was a bitch tho. I really hate 13th Ave. But I don’t know of any other way to get home. And I had to go back after I had left. Thank goodness I was only at Main. I had forgotten my purse … Kinda need that … driver’s license, money, CELL PHONE.

But I’m home now. Turned on the AC as soon as I got home ‘cuz it was a bit warm in here (it’s 85°F out as of 5pm … my wx thing only updates on the hour). I might turn it off in a bit and bring out the fan from my bedroom. It stayed pretty nice in here yesterday with 2 fans on. I’m gonna relax tonite and try not to stress out again tomorrow. Like I said earlier, I’m still afraid that I might be in over my head. I just guess it depends on what kinds of projects they give me and how long it takes me to figure out their system. I wanna show them that I DO know what I’m doing and that they didn’t make a mistake hiring me. But you know, there’s that part of me that’s always trying to pull me down. If I can make it thru the end of the week, I think I’ll be fine.

Mood: tired