I went to the grocery store after supper to get a few things I need. I was out of cottage cheese and almost out of sandwich meat. I got lucky and they had some deli turkey on sale for $3.98/lb. I had gotten some deli ham for the same price last week, and I only have enough for one more sandwich. I would have had enough for 2 if Lisa hadn’t used 5 slices in the sandwich she had made when she was here this weekend.

I decided to go thru the express lane since I had fewer than 8 items. That’s when I got freaked out. There were 2 people in front of me. The guy (he was an older guy) at the checkout suddenly fell down. I felt helpless. I have no medical training of any sort. And I didn’t want to make things worse. The checker ran to the service counter and they called 911. 3 or 4 of them went back over to him while someone was calling to check on him. I’m not sure if he was having a seizure or a heart attack or what. I didn’t stare. I paid for my groceries in another lane and bagged ‘em up. By that time (less than 5 minutes), he wasn’t laying there any more. I’m not sure where he went. I’m assuming they took him somewhere, but I didn’t see where. And when I was heading to my car, I could hear sirens. I took my time ‘cuz I knew they were headed to where I was, and I didn’t want to get in the way. A fire truck and ambulence where there before I left. They sure got there quick. That’s a good thing to know.

I’m STILL a little freaked out.

I was in a bad mood when I posted last nite … that’s obvious. I thought about deleting the post, but decided not to. It was what I was feeling at the time. And I still feel that way … but not as extreme. And I’m not going to stop blogging.

At least one good thing did happen today. In my mail today was a letter from the FM RedHawks. I figured it had something to do with the contest they’re running with CashWise (the grocery store closest to me). They’re giving away tickets to the Pepsi 400 at Daytona in July. Of course, I had to register every time I went in. I thought I won a tshirt or something small like that. Well … turns out I’m in the running for the trip …

There were 2 tickets to the RedHawks game next Friday (24 June) nite. And 2 coupons for a free small Pepsi. I guess they’ll be drawing names at random from those who won and are at the game (you have to be at the game to win the race tickets). They’ll be drawing 9 names. I’d give ANYTHING to at least be one of the finalists. You don’t know how much I’d love to win those tickets. I wanna go to a race. And at Daytona … what race fan wouldn’t want to go there? I’m sure Lisa wants me to win too ‘cuz she knows she’ll be the one I take with me … unless I can find me a hot cowboy who wants to go …

Mood: hopeful

I don’t think I’m going to be blogging for quite some time. After tonite … I feel so fucking alone. The people who I thought were my friends obviously don’t give a damn about me. They think that I walked away from them (at least that’s what Mona said in the text message that she sent me in response to the ones I sent her). They have no fucking clue how I really feel. They didn’t even try to talk to me tonite to see what was wrong. I feel like such a fucking loser right now. I’m just done trying. No matter what I do … I can’t do anything right. Obviously I don’t know how to be a friend. If I did … I wouldn’t be so alone. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. At this point … I just give up.

Mood: empty

Since I didn’t work today and since today was payday … I decided to do some running around. Got tabs for my car ($65 for my P.O.S.!!) … went to Wally-world to get some stuff I needed … got the oil changed in my car (FINALLY).

I also decided to go to the mall. Basically … I just wanted to go to JC Pennys to look for shirts. I haven’t bought any new shirts in a long time … at least shirts that aren’t t-shirts. I looked at Sears, Pennys, Herbergers, Marshall Fields, Lane Bryant … did I find anything? Nope. Not a DAMN THING!! I didn’t find very many things I liked. I did try on a couple of things at Penny’s, but they didn’t work. Either I’m just too picky or I just don’t have a fashion bone in my body. But I didn’t like ANYTHING! Even the things I tried on I wasn’t all that keen on. I don’t know what my issue is.

I did buy one thing at the mall though. A Mocha MooLatte. Damn is this thing good. And I’ll be hyped up on caffine now too … Oh … Lisa … they had a Casey Mears hat at ProMotorsports. It’s red with the Target logo on the front. I thought you might like to know that …

I really wanted to find something nice to wear to the bar tonite. Even thought I’m sure I’ll be sitting by myself. I haven’t heard from anyone yet about tonite. No phone calls … no text messages … nothing. But that doesn’t suprise me. I’m still going out … it’s Avalanche. I left early when they were at the Windbreak. I need to go tonite.

I’m gonna have to go check out some other places tomorrow. Maybe Gordmans and Target. I might head over to Moorhead since there’s not sale tax over there. There’s got to be something SOMEWHERE that I like.

Mood: frustrated

My vacation is about half over now. And I haven’t gotten half of what I had planned on doing done. I’d like to keep going on the project I’m working on. I finished “Phase 2″ and “Phase 3″ yesterday and got a good jump on “Phase 4″. But there’s still a bunch of work that needs to be done. I’d like to get it done this week if possible.

But I’ve got stuff I should really do around my apartment. Like organizing my kitchen … actually boxing up some fo the stuff I don’t use and that is just in the way. And general cleaning around my apartment. AND I should REALLY be looking for a new apartment. This one is just driving me nuts. I’ve been here since December 2001. It was about all I could afford at the time. But I can afford a little nicer place now. But as it is, I’m not going to get out here this summer. I’ve put things off too long. I have to give 45 days notice when moving out. And since today’s the 15th, the earliest I could get out of here would be the middle of August.

I think I’m going to try to stay away from the computer today. Hopefully I’ll get some stuff done. All I’ll do online today (maybe … ) is apartment hunting. But I’ll start with the classifieds from Sunday’s paper. But the first thing I’m going to do is organize my kitchen drawers. All those utensils that I don’t use that are just clogging up the one utility drawer I have. I gotta put ‘em away before I hurt myself on something in there … LOL.

Mood: lazy

I finally got around to completely archiving my old MT blog. I changed all of the templates to contain only html … no more php. I rebuilt everything. Then I deleted the blog and my entire MT installation. The rebuilt archive files are still there. But that’s it. Every other ounce of anything relating to MT is now GONE! I even deleted the database that I had created for it. It opened up some web space too (not that I’m running out or anything though).

There really was no sense in keeping that around. I don’t use it anymore. I’m strictly a WordPress girl now. I do want to keep the archive though. I’ve already downloaded it on to my computer in case anything happens to the archive online. So I’ve got a record of my pathetic life …

Now that that’s done … I can get back to the other project that I’m working on. I almost have “Phase 2″ complete. That’s the phase that I forsee taking the longest. I’d like to get this done this week since I’m on vacation. But there’s other stuff I should really do around my apartment. Well … we’ll see.

Mood: accomplished

I don’t have to work this week … I’m using the last of my vacation time up … I’ve got 40 hours left … so that’s a week off. I had to use it by the end of the month, so I figured I might as well take it now.

What am I doing on my vacation? Absolutely nothing. I have no plans. I wish I had more money saved up and a reliable car. I would have gone down to Kansas to visit Melissa. I haven’t seen her since I went down there 3 years ago on vacation. I miss her. And I’d love to get out of town … out of state … for a little while. But no dice. She did tell me that she’s planning on being up here at the end of the month. I’m hoping we can get together some time. I want to catch up with her and see her kids. They’ve grown up so much already.

I had planned on seeing if Mona or Barb or Amanda wanted to do anything during the week … depending on their work schedules. But, as I said in my last post, I’m not sure they’d even want to do anything with me. They know I have the week off. If they want to do something … they know how to find me.

I did see Barb and Amanda last nite at RibFest. They made some comment about why I didn’t say goodbye when I left. Obviously … they have no idea what was going on with me. I know I should just say how I feel … but why break my pattern of bottling things up?

Avalanche is playing at Bucks Thursday nite. I’m sure everyone will be out. It’ll be interesting to see how things go. I’m tempted to get there early and sit somewhere and see if they even come up to me. But I’m sure I’ll fall in to my old pattern. <- me

Mood: empty

Last Friday nite I had a blast. It was Barb’s birthday, and we all went to the Windbreak. Barb was there, of course, and Mona and her man and Amanda and Pete and some other people that I didn’t know. We went to O’Leary’s after the Windbreak closed. Then we sat around the O’Leary’s parking lot for a bit and then went to breakfast. I didn’t get home ’til a little after 4am. It was the most fun I’ve had in a LONG time.

Saturday I got my hair cut … Mona cuts my hair. She mentioned Pete’s plans to have a bonfire. I had heard about it the nite before, but didn’t know that it was Pete who was doing it. I told Mona to let me know what was going on and if I could come with, if nobody minded. She said she’d give me a call. Well … it started to rain about 10 minutes after I got home and kept raining all nite. So I figured there was no bonfire. And I never heard from Mona.

Last nite Avalanche was at the Windbreak. I was looking forward to it all week. It was the start of my vacation (I have all of next week off), and everyone was gonna be out again. After last week, I thought I’d have a blast. Was I wrong …
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Mood: lonely

That’s right. “Phase 1″ of my PLAN is now complete.

More details to come as I complete each successive phase.

Mood: silly