That’s gonna be me tonite. (I hope Pooh doesn’t mind that I borrowed his saying … LOL) Today at work, I was given an opportunity. They are giving me the opportunity to start working on a new project and eventually (in about 6 months) take it over … at least the programming aspect of it. After I took over the programming aspect of it, I would be in charge of all that kind of stuff … delegating tasks, coming up with way to improve the site.

YIKES!!

It would be a major increase in responsibility for me at work. I don’t know if I’m capable of that. But then again, I don’t have much confidence in myself. My employers must I guess, otherwise they wouldn’t have offered the chance to me.

This project utilizes asp. I’ve done a little bit of programming in asp, but not very much. Not much more than the basics. I have more experience in php. But they said that the asp involved in this site isn’t that advanced. It’s more database work (MSSQL … I’m used to MySQL).

This would also mean a bump in pay (not right away though). I don’t know how much … but every little bit helps.

I told them I would let them know tomorrow. I’ll have to weight the pros and cons. I’m not really sure there are that many cons … it’s more in my frame of mind and stuff. I know this is an awesome opportunity … especially since I never went to school for web programming (but I want to take classes in it … maybe the pay bump would help aid in that goal). I think it’s more about changing the way I see myself. I need to make myself see that I AM good at this … I DO have potential … I CAN have confidence in myself. Hell … I’m gonna be 29 years old this coming Sunday … I think it’s about time I started believing in myself …

Mood: nervous

I’m home from work early today. I had an extra 1hr 45min this pay period. I left at 3:15pm. But I still have to go back. Our checks weren’t ready by the time I left. It’s the first time our new receptionist has done payroll, so I understand why they weren’t done. But I really don’t wanna have to go back now that I’m home. And there’s a line of rain moving through (it’s red on the radar) … I don’t wanna have to go back out in the pouring rain. Oh well. I need to get my check so I can put it in the bank so I can pay rent and other bills. Oh joy … LOL. Maybe that line of rain will have moved through by 4:30pm when I plan to go back to get my check.

Mood: annoyed

Discussion item: do you dress up for Halloween? Either at work or going out (to the bar or trick-or-treating).

A bunch of people at work are dressing up tomorrow for Halloween. I guess it’s a tradition. I’m not sure if I’m gonna dress up or not. I don’t have a costume. I’ve never really bought a costume. In the past when I’ve gone out on Halloween, I’ve used stuff I’ve had around the house to create a costume … maybe buying accessories to go along with it. If I do dress up tomorrow, I’ll probably just wear my cowboy hat and boots and maybe hang my toy handcuffs (from a costume a couple years ago) on a belt loop of my jeans. I know … I’m lame ( ) … but that’s me …

Mood: blah

Okay … I really don’t hate Amazon. I’ve never bought anything from them, so I have no idea how they are. But I can say this …

I hate Amazon integration!!!

At work, we’ve been working in integrating a client’s e-commerce site with Amazon. I guess I shouldn’t be complaining … I’m just now getting into it. Some of the other guys have been working on this for quite a while. My part in this is the administrative editors.

Just when I think I’m starting to understand the stuff I need to in order to create or edit the editors, I get confused again. Doesn’t take much these days … The only part of this that really has me worried is the database side of things. I’m so scared that I’m gonna completely fuck up the database. Yeah … it is just a test database … the live one is on another server … but still …

I really need to have more confidence in myself. I think that’s my main problem. I know I can do this stuff. Yeah … I may have to look up some of the stuff since I’m not all that acclimated to working with MSSQL … but I pick things up quickly. Lord knows I take enough notes … LOL.

Mood: empty

When I started this job, I knew (X)HTML, CSS, php, and mySQL. Because of this job, I’m now learning MSSQL … stored procedures, views, and triggers. I’m not really sure I like it … LOL. I wanna go back to mySQL. I’ve also done some work in asp.

Actually, I guess that MSSQL isn’t all that bad. I just started with triggers today, and I’ve got a pretty good understanding of them. Stored procedures aren’t all that bad either. I need to figure out JOINs though. And I’m a bit scared of doing that kind of stuff ‘cuz I don’t wanna blow up the database. At least it would only be the dev/test database and not the live one.

I just wish I had the extra money so that I could start taking classes like I want to. Kelly did tell me that the company could pay for some classes … if they’re approved. That would be nice, but I want to pay for them myself. Maybe in the spring or next fall.

Mood: blah

You’d never know how gorgeous it was outside today from sitting in our office. It got into the 70s outside, but it was an icebox in our office. Not quite as bad as yesterday morning, but still frickin’ cold. I’ve been wearing my jacket for most of the day for the past couple of weeks. Tomorrow I’m gonna take my sweatshirt and leave it there.

You’d think that if you owned a building in North Dakota, you’d turn the heat on when it was in the 20s overnite. The heat wasn’t even on Monday morning. It came on about mid-morning. I could smell the heat … isn’t that sad … LOL. I hope it doesn’t stay that cold all winter. Its no fun working when you’re freezing your ass off. I might have to start wearing long johns under my jeans so I’m not so cold. I really hope it doesn’t come to that.

Mood: chillin

As I said yesterday … I had my 3 month review today at work. I was nervous because I wasn’t sure if I was performing how they expected me to. Well … I had no need to worry. They are VERY HAPPY with my work. The only issue they mentioned was my communication skills. Duh … I know I suck at that … LOL.

They were happy with the timeliness at which I complete tasks. They had nothing but good things to say. That makes me feel good. It makes me glad that I decided to change career paths. I guess I didn’t make a mistake doing that. The only thing I hate is that it means I wasted 4 years and over $10,000 on an education for a career that I left behind (or threw away).

One thing that suprised me was that they said that they saw the possibility of lead programmer or management in my future. Now … I don’t know about that. I don’t think that I’m management material. But the fact that they see my potential make me feel really good. This is definitely a company that I want to stay with for a long time. And we’ve been growing too. This is definitely a better employer than my last one. They sucked. Didn’t give a damn about me. This company is the complete opposite. It’s definitely better to actually enjoy going to work.

And to make it even better … I got a raise. Woohoo!! Every little bit helps. Maybe now I’ll a little extra spending cash after bills and groceries. Maybe I can even afford the health insurance premiums.

Well … I’m hungry … It’s almost 6pm. Time to make supper. I think I’m gonna make the Chicken Helper Chicken Dumplings. Don’t have any other meat ’til I get to the grocery store.

Mood: happy

Today was my 3 month anniversary at my new job. Wow!! 3 months … Time sure does fly. It seems like yesterday when I was going nuts sitting on my couch day after day, searching the classifieds and online job listings for something that piqued my interest to apply for. Thank god I don’t have to do that any more.

Tomorrow I have a review. I’m a little nervous. There’s that pessimistic part of me that says everything I do is wrong and I’m a complete loser … But of course, that’s silly. If I was doing that bad of a job, they wouldn’t have kept me around. And I was told by the lead programmer in an email that he was happy with my work … that I made quick work of some complex backend issues. And I’ve been finishing my tasks in a timely fashion. I’ve never gotten yelled at … just reminded of some procedural stuff every now and again (but not too often). I’m hoping I get a raise … … but I’m not gonna be upset if I don’t get one. The extra money would be nice. Maybe then I could actually get the health insurance I’m now eligible for (I don’t have the money for the premiums otherwise).

Mood: hungry

I’ve never been one who likes to talk on the phone. Don’t know why … that’s just how I am. I had a phone at my desk at work for a couple of days after they got the new system. Thank goodness, they took it away and gave it to someone who actually talks on the phone during the day. They’ve got a cordless one too. That’s right by my desk.

Well … the cordless rang today … it was for me … Not only did I have to talk on the phone at work, but it was to a customer. And he called TWICE!!

Luckily, it was just about a site that we were going live with this afternoon. He had a question and a couple last things he wanted me to change.

I hope I don’t get any more calls at work for a long time … LOL.

Mood: bored

I guess I didn’t have to worry about work. I’ve been worried (or scared or nervous) that I’m not living up to the expectations of the company. That I don’t know enough to be profitable and keep around. I guess I didn’t have to feel that way. 2 of my bosses were out today through the end of the week. I got an email from one (the lead programmer) saying that he was very impressed with my work so far (he had put *VERY* in his email). That I’ve made quick work on some complex admin backend stuff. That made me feel really good. Maybe I am earning my keep … LOL.

Mood: hungry